Reflections On My 11 Day Relationship, Sovereignty, and Addiction To The "Hard Way".

So guess what!

I got dumped this week!

Why? because my boyfriend felt that my rising passion on social justice issues meant that I “hated” white people and showed an “ugly” side to me he didn't like. (Yes! I know. My jaw dropped too)

He wen't on a that he had to unfollow me on Facebook because he found my posts about the lack of intersectionality and blatant racism spirituality to be infuriating. Not only that, but he revealed that he’s a staunch atheist and in his own words describes anything in the realm of spirituality and holistic wellness as ,”Useless garbage”!

I was floored, saddened, and enraged but relieved. As our budding romance began to progress, I noticed how incredibly stark our differences were (as some early signs of emotionally abusive behavior).

11 days is all it took before the energetic mismatch of our lives litterally pushed us apart on its own.

In my gut, I knew he wasn't a full blown heart resounding, YES!

Why am I even telling you all of this?

For a few reasons

When you live and speak your truth, opposition will follow.

We (especially us BIWOC) have a tendency to beleive our lessons need to be learned the "hard way" in order to fully validate and solidify them.

We often will deny our gut in favor of instant gratificaton because we don't want to wait for what we REALLY want to create in our lives.

We all fear rejection. Especially as marginalized people struggling to exist in a white centered and heteronormative world. Just because we're used to a world that rejects our existence, doesn’t mean it's any less painful when people reject us for being who we are.

Yet, when you know your worth and allow yourself to be unapologetic and sovereign standing in your truth becomes much easier over time.

The beauty of this situation is I knew my worth and didn’t shrink like me 5 years ago would have. The part of me that would have done what ever I felt I had to to please the people around me. Even if it meant abandoning myself in the process. I've grown a lot since then, but it also brought to light an unknown addiction I have.

An addiction to learning lessons the “hard way”

You see, I had the perfect signs from the universe that this dude was bad news and they showed up OVER and OVER.

Our Astrological charts didn't even match.

He would sublty try to push my boundaries......Alot.

Even a psychic aquantance tapped in and told me he was bad news. He litterally said, "I dont normally do this but their telling me he's, 'feeding you LIES'". Ho much

Yet I chose to ignore the signs. I chose to abandon my own intuition just to "see what would happen."

I know you're sitting here reading this and wondering, "Why, Simran? Why would someone as self aware and conscious as yourself overlook big red flags like that?"

Many reasons, but here are the key ones

1) I'm tired of being single.

This year marks 5 years as a single woman and in full honestly I've been eager to date again. I'm craving sharing my life with someone in a romantic way and my eagerness had me ready to jump the gun a little too quick.

2) He really really wanted to date me exclusively

That may not seem all that significant, but this is something I wasn’t used too. I have a long history of dealing with men who were interested but not in exclusivity. They wanted a secret relationship where no one could publicly see that we were connected.

To be pursued by an incredibly handsom man who wanted the world to know of my existance snatched me up full force by my weave and had me blinded AF.

3) He origonally was enamored (well....claimed to be) by my life and my work.

While this dialouge was going down and the time it took when I processed it, I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I felt like I did something wrong. I started to feel like an inadequate leader and a fool.

And to be completely honest, I'm STILL embarrased. I'm cringing as I write this. (can we say, vulnerable city?)

My mind mulled over what would the world would think about me. My brain immedialty went into full blown anxiety overload over what peple may more may not be thinking about me.

Things like:

"She keeps manifesting messed up relationship and dating situations. Clearly she dosen't have her shit together and has no buisiness helping people with their lives!"

“She can’t even keep a guy around for two weeks? What’s wrong with her!”

"How does someone of her calibur let a guy like that slip through the cracks?"

Clearly I know these things are a striaght lie from the Devil himself, but I'm human. These are things I know I'm not the only one who struggles with.

Here's the thing, we all want to be loved and seen for what we do and who we are. Especially as women and ESPECCIALLY as an Empath or HSP (Highly Sensitive Person).

As empaths, we also have a strong tendency to learn our lessons the hard way. We're conditioned to beleive that spirituality and living as a consious person has to be HARD! So as a result we create unnecesary situations to add unneded struggle. More often that not we, question our judgement only to have it validated when we reflect in hindsight.

This experience truly helped bring to light the many ways myself and many others (including you) may ignore our gut and internal guidance system because immediate gratification of what we want is more comforting than trusting the unknown and unseen.

Let's be real...

No one wants to hear "Trust the proccess" or "Everything happens in God's/The Universes timing". In our instant popcorn society, we're accoustomed to getting what we want as quick as possible. We don't like waiting. We're conditioned to being impatient and as a result we abandon our gut and our intuition for instant gratification.

We subconsiously buy into the beleif that we have to keep learning the same lessons the "hard way" until we traumatize ourselves enough to stop making the same decision.

This is EXPECIALLY true for BIPOC (Black & Indeginous People of Color) and the generation's of trauma we've endured.

This dosen't have to be our struggle anymore.

We don't have to be addicted to the "hard way"!

We get to be sovereign and we get to call in ease in our lives.

Radical trust! Radical boundaries. Radical trust in our intuitoin.

Let my experience and my musings be your reminder that your intuition is your greatest ally. No matter how good a situation looks or how long you've been calling in something in your life, you are not required to accept anything less than what you know you deserve.

Regardless of the systems of opression that exist that have tought us to take what we can get. That we have no buisiness asking for the absolute best.

Let radical intuiton, boundaries, and sacred trust be your act of resistance.

We get to have ease and flow as we grow. We get to be powerful AF and we get to be SOVERIGN!

Together we rise!

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